“It’s so rare that I’m here, don’t plan on staying to long” Syds voice carries over a backing by The Internet as Sci works. “Damn it man you better come through.” She thinks aloud. “Without that part I can’t finish, If I can’t finish then………just come through man, just come through” Out of frustration she throws her wrench across the lab. “Whoa, watch where you’re throwing stuff, besides I thought your hermano gave you that wrench before he went on the expedition.” Sci looked towards the door, the realization set in that she threw her favorite wrench set in. “Carlos you beautiful bastard if you had just been done what I needed earlier I wouldn’t have done it” she continued “You know how important this is, they know what happened to my brother, they lie they keep telling I’m going to expose them and bring him back.” Carlos looked at Sci, the only other time he’d seen that type of determination is when she built that bomb because they told her she couldn’t. Of course now you can’t go into District 17 because it blew a hole in time and space but that’s neither here nor there. Carlos knew that girl was determined and if anybody could bring Todd back and bring down the state it would be Sci. He wanted to be on the right side of history for once he had his on vengeance to reign on the state. “Alright Sci, I’m sorry. Just don’t kill the plug. I keep you supplied and our block running.” She responded “I’m not trying to kill you, beside I’m pretty sure Peter could just take your place. I’ll been married for 12 years now. Pretty sure he can do your job” Sci laughed, Carlos not amused but tickled “Peter is a Healer not a man who walks where I would. Sci when’s the last time you ate.” “3 days ago. I don’t need to eat you know I made that nutrient gel. Let’s me stay up and work and gives me what I need” Sci Replied. “Sci go see Velma”Sci cut him off “Did you tell her…..” “No I haven’t spoken a word about what you’re up to, but I know she would back you and help if you just let her in. Beside she loved him, she was his wife” Carlos waited on a response from Sci. None came. “Fine well I got other spot to hit and I need to run to the store. You know how to catch me Sci, but for the love of God go see Velma and tell her. Sci watched and waited for Carlos to close the door. While the lobs security whirled back up she thought to herself she’ll go see Velma once she brings her brother back. She felt she can’t endanger her she has to stay safe. “Back to work” Sci flipped a switch on her station “Precious, you know I can’t stay, I asked you never told me , So Soon I take myself back again, again, again, I’m bitter sweet” Little Dragon creating the beat to which she works.
Day 20: Left with my thoughts adrift in space. I rid myself of the copilot who should never have been but I’ve lost the one I should have had. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost, trapped stuck, stranded. A million miles away from anything resembling life. The vacuum of space leaves you a lot of time to reflect. Being lost gives you time to think. Being alone leaves you with only your voice. That last part, that’s the part that will scare you. You go from knowing it’s all in your head to hearing it all around you. Telling you all the bad things you’ve ever thought out loud, like it’s alive. As if that voice were attached to something sinister. Something stalking you but you know that’s not possible. Your alone, your lost, a drift in the cold blackness of space. There is no possible way there is anything up here with you….That is just not possible.
Day 49: There something here, something or someone is here. I thought it was her but that’s not her voice. She’s gone and even if I saw her again she never have me back. I’ve made my peace with that. I keep trying to justify that scenario by saying at least the other one is gone as well but honestly I miss her sometimes…..until I remember the conflict and confusion she brought to the ship. But yeah something’s here. I don’t know what it is or where it is. Last night I was sleep and I swear I felt it hanging over me. Like it was waiting for me to move so it could find me and destroy me. Maybe…MAYBE IM JUST PARANOID……or maybe in my haste to get home I brought something back…..
Day 132: I don’t think I’m going to make it. The voices are everywhere now. Everywhere I go I hear them. They tell me things. They tell me secrets. One voice is louder than the other though. Carols keeps telling me she’s waiting for me but I don’t know a Carlos or who she could be. He keeps saying the Mad Doctor needs me to get my ass back to make believers out of them. I don’t understand this, it can’t be real. I know it’s not the other voice tells me it’s not, he tells me how to make it quiet. How to bring back the peace but I can’t do that. I’m not that at that point yet, I can make it home, and I have to. I have to make it home to bring them the word. The gospel, they have to see what I have seen, they have to become believers. Maybe Carlos is right…………………….but not in the way he thinks. That’s a voice I can’t wait to get home and silence…………..
Office of Safety and Defense
Excerpt from The Flock sermon. Agent Gomez and Agent Johnson were able to get out very little information before there covers were blown. Below is some of the audio that was able to transcribe before they were found out. As with file 0002, there leader seems to have antigovernment rhetoric. Unfortunately at this time we are still unable to locate the bodies of Agent Gomez and Agent Johnson.
“Brothers and sisters, why do you indulge so much in the material world. Look around you, you find happiness in things but is it really true happiness. It’s fleeting, it’s superficial, and it’s flawed. You get up go to work, sit in traffic, complain about liberals, conservatives. You vote based on your hearts not your heads. You’ve created a world where your on government treats you like a child and the enemy, Where they steal food from your mouth on the pretext of helping your fellow man. They’ve turned corporations into actual people. This is the world you live in the world you allowed those that came before to craft, You elect people who are shills for the corporations of now have the same right as people. We’ve been turned into a cattle, lambs for the slaughter. All the while you thump your bible and proclaim to love your fellow man all the while shitting on the guy who looks least like you. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to say there is a better way. Follow me and I will show that the darkness and chaos they tell you is harmful can set you free from this world of organized insanity. The call me crazy, they locked me away because I saw the truth. The truth in all things. They use religion, they use their religious text to subjugate because they know you’re weak. I know they’re wrong. I know you’re strong. Follow me. Embrace the darkness, love the chaos and it will love you back. Let it breathe new life into you……………….Follow me”…………………………..
Sitting on his knees praying, always praying. “Lord help me, please. If you don’t intervene then I’m going to have to do another bad thing”, praying, praying, worrying and praying” Please lord I beg you help me, I know I’ve done a lot but my psyche can’t continue to take this. I can’t deal with this. The things I’ve been made to do, the things I’ve been a witness to, I can no longer contain this. If I have to go out there one more time and do this.” He continued to plead. “God please I’m about to be broken, please don’t let me break in this way.” No response, No Answer. “So I’m guessing this is just the way my life is going to be huh.” He stands to his feet and looks towards the sky. “Fine, I’ve been begging for years for you to deliver me but yet now help. When I try to make the forward movement I got pulled back. When you show me the end of the tunnel, it gets longer. I can’t go on this way. But fine, I guess I really am on my on huh.” He turns to walk away, picking up his toolbox and pulling down his mask. In the room is a chair, in the chair is a body, on the face of the body is abject fear………………………….the child doesn’t understand what’s taking so long to change her diaper. He walks in and sighs because he knows the horror of the poo diaper.
“Flaming hots with cheese and a kiwi mystic” chance blasting through her earbuds while she works. Deadline gotta meet the deadline. Everything depends on this. There is nothing else but this. “Trippy shit to watch, drugs all on the face, that’s a work of art” “Yeah Chance” she thought this is gonna be so trippy once its done. They have no idea at all how this one is gonna go but I do. Once I’m done they’ll know what’s what. They’ll understand what I’ve done.
“Carlos where’s my core, I can’t finish this without the core”. She cut the music down so she can hear whatever kinda bullshit excuse he was gonna come with this time.”I got you mamacita, don’t I always come through” he smirked over the hologram projecting from her watch. “No fucker you don’t” she shot back “Why do I even bother asking you for anything” “Cause I’m the best in the west, the beast from the east, and the southern extrodinare” Carlos flashed that devil smile that always made her laugh at his absurdity. “Damn it man just hurry up. We don’t have a lot of time. Get your ass here so I can finish and make a believer out of them.” Carlos shouted “Woooooooo in my Ric Flair voice…..I’m on it”
You had me at hello. I really thought it would be something more than what it turned out to be. I fooled myself, I played myself. You thought you were helping me out, giving me good ideas, making me better than I was the day before. You weren’t. You did say a couple of things that rang true but as a whole, you could never see me. You couldn’t see me. From the very beginning I was able to see the road this would take. I knew how this would play out, but I chose to ignore it all and do what I wanted to do instead of paying attention to the warning signs. I took for granted and ignored the perfect fit for the obtuse. A round peg in a square hole moment. I knew the orbit that was around you caused my gravity to be in constant flux, I could see this but yet I still tried to circle the planet. This was a mistake, a true mistake on my part. I knew I had a precious cargo but I still thought I could make the jump to hyper space but no, I crashed and burned. Luckily my precious cargo is resilient and the only thing its concerned about is the captain of the ship not the co-pilot who had no business being on the ship.
As for me the captain of that ship. I’m back on earth looking at the smoldering wreckage that I left behind. Trying to go and fix what was the perfect plan, the prefect co-pilot only to discover that just like the song you can’t go home anymore. To hear the co-pilot say, while holding the charts to the planet you should’ve been trying to land on, tell you they understand why you went for the star system that was still in your orbit. To hear them say they understand because the distance for us is large and treacherous. To hear them say they get why you went for what was closer to home but they’ll be taking the maps, their knowledge, and boarding a ship without you. To realize you went for youth only because youth was here but the experience was what your really needed and now its gone is devastating. Heartbreaking does not begin to describe how you feel. When you train for a mission for 5 years and finally get to leave but you don’t go because of you. You got scared and went the safe approach and in doing so ruined what was possibly the best thing to ever happen to you. The young co-pilot didn’t know you, never made you want to be better, push farther, go harder. Every time you spoke with the older. The sound of her voice made you better. A simple hello set your emotions on fire, sent your brain into overdrive and set you on the path you knew could take you to planet paradise. The dream isn’t dead but you must face the truth. You lost your co-pilot the one that was meant for you. You didn’t waste 5 years training but you should’ve spoke up and not let her transfer without trying. Now you sit and look at this ship. No co-pilot, empty, alone, cold………………….you get to have a moment but remember there is still working to be done. Thats what she would have wanted. She would’ve have told you to reflect on the mistake and never take the easy path. Sometimes what seems easier and good can cause you headaches, conflict, and confusion. Learn from this and be the pilot I know you are and can be……………………………………”I will, I will, I promise I will. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and I will never forget you” you scream into the abyss. You can hear her say “never let a co-pilot on your ship with that much EGO again. You’ve got precious cargo and that cargo needs the best pilot out there to get it where it had to go. I should’ve been your co-pilot but you’ll find another when that time comes”…………………Maybe you will, but she set a bar, a standard. You stepped outside of that once. don’t make that mistake again…………………..
So just let me get through this ok. I don’t know any other way to tell you this but I like you. I like you like you. I’ve never said anything because you were always with somebody and I just never felt like I had a chance. I was resigned with just being your friend. For me that was enough, or so I thought. As time went on my feelings for you grew as I watched you become who you would become. Even through all my relationships you were the one who had my heart, that would explain why none of them actually worked out but at this point that’s neither here nor there. You know I do realize that it wasn’t fair to them to harbor that deep of an emotion for another. I could never give me all too them because my heart was always with you. I realize you never knew this but again you were always head over heels for someone else. So I figured hey I’ll be ok playing a bit role in your life as long as you’re in my life. It hurt, I’m not going to lie but that’s life. Sometimes, like Ja used to say, love is pain. I guess your wondering at this point why I’m choosing now to say all this. Well its simple, I couldn’t hold it anymore. You needed to know how you made me feel and I needed to get it off my chest. I wish we could’ve been more. I wish I would’ve spoken up all those years ago but I didn’t. I take the blame for that. I wish I had expressed myself more and not kept my head down and been content to play the background. That wasn’t healthy. I’m hoping some good can come from this but I guess I’ll never know. It’s too late for me Dad. Just make sure that you take care if those in your life better than you did me. Maybe they’ll feel like its OK to stick around. Maybe they’ll feel worthy of life.